Do you like who you've Become?

I have always used writing as a way to express myself, while this “public” project has just started; writing has been a type of therapy for me for as long as I can remember. In doing some of this self-reflection I stumbled upon my current topic; I’m 20something and I have changed. While some of you may think that this statement is dumb to talk about, I personally feel that every 20something has a moment when they realize they’ve changed in more ways than one and I figured why not talk about mine, both the good and the bad.

My moment of realization came this past week when I stumbled across some old photos from high school and college. Of course the first thing I did was laugh at myself (I cant believe I thought jean skirts were cool), but soon I realized the innocent, naïve girl in the photos wasn’t who I was anymore. In that moment I panicked. I craved for the innocence that I had during that time but in that same moment I felt a sense of relief.

Before I get too far into this, maybe I should give you some backstory. In high school I cared entirely too much about what people thought of me (like most all high schoolers do). I wanted to be everyone’s friend and in doing so I allowed people to walk all over me. By no means was I a loner or completely pathetic, I had an amazing group of friends that I’m still extremely close with today, but I definitely did put energy in people who clearly didn’t deserve it. By the time I graduated I started to wise up to the fact that people will hurt you so I went into college expecting nothing and ended up having the time of my life and left with some pretty awesome friendships. Mid way through college, though, my mom was diagnosed with cancer (shes fine now) but because of it I chose to retreat from my family and focus more on school. Then my senior year my parents split up. While I tried to go on as if everything was normal, this really rocked me, and because of it I felt myself shut down in a way I never had before. It took awhile, but eventually I chose to embrace the good in my life instead of focusing on the bad, and ended college happy and more sure of myself than I had ever felt before.

Sitting here, writing this all out makes me wonder if I’m happy with how I’ve turned out. To be honest with you, I really am. I am damn proud of myself for not letting such shitty situations hold me back. I’m happy that I can laugh at myself instead of wondering what everyone else thinks. I’m happy that it no longer bothers me if someone doesn’t like me, or thinks my ideas are stupid, because I know their opinions don’t matter. High school me wouldn’t approach things in this way. High school me would have probably cried in my bedroom. So yeah, maybe I may come across a little brash sometimes, but its only because I’ve realized that I am my own biggest advocate and standing up for myself is more important than sitting quiet. 

My question for you is, Are you happy with who you have become? It’s a deeper question than you may think and I can guarantee that most of you 20somethings will be proud of yourselves, but for some of you this may encourage you to make some changes. Either way, we’re all going through it together, just remind yourself that we’re all just 20something and clueless.